Dear Ms. Savvy,
I've recently been "friended" by one of my old high school boyfriends on Facebook. We haven't been in touch for many years but through catching up on Facebook, it appears that we are both married, have small children, and live in different states. I've always felt very drawn to him, however, and now we have daily contact through his comments on my status and pictures and mine on his. This is absolutely not going anywhere, but I have to admit, I like the attention. Is this inappropriate? Signed, In "Like"
Dear In "Like",
Did you ever go to a party, as a child, that had a slip and slide? You know, those watery, long slippery plastic things that you'd slide down. You'd stand at the top and think, "I won't slide down this time. I'll just stand here." And, then, before you knew it, you were at the bottom of the hill. Well, you're on the adult version of a slip and slide. But, this time you're playing with the well-being of your marriage and your family, instead of just the prospect of drenching your outfit. You say that "this is absolutely not going anywhere," but you don't know that to be true. This is in fact how emotional affairs begin: by starting what seems like an innocent flirtation and then it turning into something more. If you like the attention, then start messaging your husband on Facebook or posting to his page. But, having daily contact with an old boyfriend is a bad idea. My advice is to explain to him that you don't feel comfortable communicating with him anymore and wish he and his family all the best. Then, focus your attention on your marriage and ways to give and get attention from the man in your life that matters.
Dear Ms. Savvy,
I'm writing to you with a Valentine's Day question. My husband has often said he thinks that Valentine's Day is a "marketing scam" and that it has nothing to do with real feelings of love. Every year, he says he will take me out to dinner before or after, but not on Valentine's Day because he wants to avoid the higher prices and cheesy hype. I have hinted that I wouldn't mind flowers, and he said he would send them to me when the prices weren't so inflated. I get his point, but for me, Valentine's Day is an excuse for us to express our feelings to each other, not a cost-benefit analysis. Instead of being logical and calculating, I want him to be playful and irrational. Buy me over-priced flowers and book a table at a romantic restaurant - aren't I worth it? Or does my husband have a point? What are your thoughts? Signed, One of Your More Romantic Readers
Dear Romantic Reader,
You are worth it! But does "it" have to be on Valentine's Day? You clearly see V-Day as a way to feel cherished and loved by your husband and he sees it as a costly, meaningless scam. So, is there a middle ground here? What about finding another day on the calendar to be given beautiful flowers and a romantic dinner out? If you feel that this special day needs to be close to the real deal, you two could create your own holiday. How about post-Valentine's Day romantic day? Or pre-Valentine's Day shower-me-with-romance night? Be creative and think outside of the box and I'm confident that you two can come up with a fun way to compromise. And, on the real day, make a date with a girlfriend for a girl's night out and celebrate your friendship. Valentine's Day is about love in all of it's forms. So, don't let yourself be limited by a date on the calendar. After all, love should be celebrated every day of the year.